Brad Pitt, award winning actor and pin up for women worldwide. Angelina Jolie, blood carrying tatooed goddess with lips as large as a family sized car. When they get together it could only mean one thing: Brangelina was born! A couple so globe-conqueringly famous that only one word was needed for them!
Well now, in a move that will surprise nobody, the Hollywood romance of the noughties is off and Brangelina time looks to be officially over. Rumours of splits have surfaced many times before but the sheer detail of evidence that has now reached my ears means that this time the split is for real. Toast me and butter me and call me a muffin if I am ever wrong!
Brangelina, although never married to each other, have consulted a top LA divorce lawyer and have drawn up an amazing contract that will divide their astonishing £205million fortune equally between them. I understand that Brad will get open access to the couples six children but that they will all live with their mother.
The couple have looked relentlessly miserable in each others company for many months. Neither star could even be bothered to turn up for The Golden Globes, despite Brad’s fim Inglourious being nominated for major awards. At this weeks Hope For Haiti concert, Brad seemed to be more cheerful than we had seen him for a long time. Perhaps that was because Angelina was nowhere to be seen but his charming ex Jennifer Aniston was nearby. There is plenty of mileage left in that relationship, let me assure you!
In recent interviews the always candid Jolie has said that she has difficulty in remaining faithful to one man and that Brangelina often fight and that she rips his shirts in anger. The final straw, as far as I’m concerned, was Brad’s continued sporting of the world’s least flattering beard. How could the world’s prettiest man wear a beard that looks uglier than any seen adorning a sleeping face in Central Park? Angelina seems to have grown tired of trying to kiss something that looks like it has come straight from the Klondike gold rush, and with the size of her lips she is sure to have got a mouthful of the matted grey hair every time that she moved in for a bit of passion.
So, Brad and Angelina are now going their separate ways. Good news for gossip columnists and women everywhere. I must sign off now, I am sure that Angelina is in need of comforting and I know just the man that can give her a shoulder to cry on: sensitive, a good listener and beard free. And I absolutely love tatoos!
Just found this contest where the prize is a bit of time in France and fully paid ski holidays. Everybody must put your names forward, I am really wanting to to win this!
0 comments:
Post a Comment