The Joy Of Jeremy Kyle...

Right, now I want you to be honest... Have you ever seen ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’? Come on, don’t be shy; we have all seen it at least once.

Personally, I cannot stand it. How this little ‘man-weasel’ has become so popular is completely beyond me, but thousands of people watch his show every day. Scary, isn’t it? Yes, there really are that many TV viewers out there who firmly believe this programme is intelligent entertainment. God help us all.

The other mystery is where they manage to find their ‘guests’. How do ‘Jezza’s’ team actually locate these people? Do they drive around the roughest-looking council estates and look underneath hedges and inside waste bins?

There are several intriguing elements to the show-

· ‘Behind The Scenes’ - When ‘guests’ find that it is all too much for them they will often go ‘backstage’. This is a private place for quiet reflection and confidential one-to-one conversation. The only other people who are present ‘backstage’ are the camera crew, Jezza, Graham and several million viewers. All a bit pathetic and contrived really, but there you go.

· Graham - ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’ would not be the same without the presence of ‘The Genius’. If a male chav has a nasty habit of beating his partner with a salad bowl then Graham will always get to the bottom of things. ‘You’re angry, aren’t you?’ It is so easy to see why he’s earned the title of ‘The Genius’; the guy’s as sharp as a knife.

· Methadone Program - This is a favourite treatment which is administered by ‘The Genius’ and his ‘Aftercare Team’. It doesn’t matter what the problem is; shoplifting, cheating or compulsive stamp collecting, a ‘Methadone Program’ is often the answer.

· Jezza’s Catchlines - The wit and wisdom of Jeremy Kyle is talked about by people the world over. He is rich with such gems as; ‘Let’s cut to the chase.’, ‘Well, why didn’t you put something on the end of it then???’, ‘Get off your backside and get a job.’, ‘Look at me. LOOK AT ME!!’, ‘Let’s get those all-important lie detector results.’

TV may be a bit crap, but ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’ actually manages to plumb whole new depths.

Ski resorts booking sorted out all of you, I am stoked about our winter trip. I need part of the fee by early next week. Sort yourselves out!